Friday, November 29, 2013

Thanksgiving Dinner


“Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  Amen.”
“That’s it?”
“Ssh.  Uncle Ted would you like some asparagus spears?”
“No.  I think I’d like some cinnamon toast.”
“I don’t think we have cinnamon toast.  Helen, cinnamon toast?”
“No.  Uncle Ted there’s no cinnamon toast.”
“Why not?”
“The hot rolls with butter are very good.  Why not try one of these?”
“I always have cinnamon toast for breakfast.”
“This is Thanksgiving, dear.”
“Thanksgiving?  I’ll take some candied yams.  You put cinnamon on them?”
“Sure we can, Uncle Ted.  Rob would you get the cinnamon from the spice tray in the cabinet?”
“Right.  Which cabinet?”
“Left of the sink.  Has everyone had the green beans?”
“They’re delightful.”
“Yes, very good.”
“Bobby, have some green beans.”
“I don’t like them.”
“Give them a try.  These are special holiday green beans.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Helen, let’s not start a fuss.”
“Who’s starting a fuss.  Is there any harm in Bobby having a couple of green beans on his plate?”
“He won’t eat them.”
“Alright he won’t eat them.  Here’s two green beans.  You can just look at them if you want.”
“They’re touching my potatoes.”
“Don’t make me cross, Bobby.”
“Helen, I’d like to enjoy my meal.”
“Just get the cinnamon, Rob.”
“I want honey.”
“You don’t want cinnamon, Uncle Ted?”
“I like honey on my yams.”
“Is he having a stroke?”
“For God’s sake, Rob – shut up.  He’s not having a stroke.  You’re OK aren’t you Ted?”
“Rob, honey?”
“I've got cinnamon.”
“Uncle Ted wants honey.”
“How am I supposed to know where that is?”
“It’s in the same cabinet, Rob, with the cinnamon.”
“You sure he doesn't want cinnamon?”
“You’re being difficult.”
“I’d like cinnamon toast.”
“Tomorrow Uncle Ted.  You can have cinnamon toast tomorrow for breakfast.”
“When’s that?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Here’s the cinnamon.  I’d like to sit down now.”
“Can I sprinkle the cinnamon on your yams, Uncle Ted?”
“Tomorrow for breakfast.  Where’s  my honey?”
“Tell him to get it himself.”
“Helen – I’d like to start eating before my food becomes tomorrow’s leftovers.”
“Rob I don’t appreciate your tone.”
“Alright, God dammit.  I’ll get the damn honey.  Jesus!”
“Bobby, leave the room.”
“I’m not done eating yet.”
“Bobby, go in the other room.  The adults want to talk.”
“Bobby!  Do as your mother says.”
“No, Uncle Ted.  You can stay.”
“I’m going to watch TV.”
“You sure?  You’re dinner will get cold.”
“Helen, all our dinners are getting cold.  What do you want to say?”
“Forget it.  Bobby sit down and eat your dinner.   You too Uncle Ted.  You’re spoiling everything Rob.”
“That’s right.  Blame it on me.  I just want to enjoy my meal, that’s all.”
“Well I certainly hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving because you've ruined it for me and everyone else.”
“That’s it.  I’m going in the other room.  Maybe I’ll watch TV.”
“Great!  So what am I supposed to do?  I’ll eat looking at your plate and your empty chair.  That’s really special.  Welcome to the holiday season with the Wilsons.  Some family we are.  We’re eating the Thanksgiving meal I spent all morning cooking while you watch your dumb football.  You’re a real peach, you know that?  I love that you’re such an admirable role model for Bobby.  I hope he doesn't become the same selfish jerk you turned out to be.  Rob?”
“Go to hell.”
- Slam! -
“Is he coming back?”
“Yes, Uncle Ted.  Of course.  Have some turkey.  You like the white meat, don’t you?”

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