Good Morning Jessicca

Letter to my Daughter
Sunday, 11 January

Good Morning Jessicca…

New Year’s resolution – believe no more than ten percent of what I say.  That’s my advice to myself.  It’s a good resolution. 

This is a big year for you – turning 21.  That makes you old enough to be legally insane.  Now you join the rest of us and find out what all the talk has been about.  And here you thought fairytales ended with Santa Claus. 

There are at least a couple of different parts to us.  Freud talked of conscious and subconscious.  The ego fits in there somewhere.  Then there’s the idea that everything is about sex, except sex itself.  It’s about power.  When I was 21 I had to refer to a book to find out how I felt about things personal.  I didn’t trust my own opinion.  Because I thought I didn’t know enough.  Because I was angry and I had many bad thoughts.  I knew it, too.  I kept my mouth shut or I lied.  I would wait it out. 

It’s many years later.  I’m glad to be here.  I’m glad to be who I am.  Life baffles me.  That keeps me busy.  The most impressive things happen just a few feet from the end of my nose.  Too often I can’t bear to look.  We’re all real.  People are easier to take when they are characters in a story of a book or movie.  Fictional people are far less complicated and we don’t become entangled with all the human comings and goings of their lives.  Fall in love and you double the number of people you need to care about. 

People are strictly about people.  Even the most emotionally detached hermit must deal with who he is – just another human being.  Everything we do outside personal survival is undoubtedly done with the thought of another on our mind.  Of course, it is not always positive.  We can be murderous when thinking of others.  It’s shocking.  Break open the veneer of civilization and a calculating animal emerges.  We are naturally ruthless.  It’s when we turn our predatory talents on ourselves that brings a chilling fear to the heart.

These horrors are the exception.  Look at all the rewards resulting from civilized behavior.  This was accomplished by people no different than those we have around us.  There is so much that is good within us.  It’s positive to focus on mostly these human characteristics.  I think, though, people such as Pope Francis and Mother Teresa are who they are because they also appreciate that which is dark within them.  Their uplifting message is all the more compelling because they hold few delusions regarding the nature of the human heart.

What is most likely to bring disaster to a relationship?  Insecurity – there’s a usual suspect.  Look in a mirror and see a frog.  I don’t want anyone to know I eat bugs.  The whole thing makes for difficult relations.  I’m horrified to find the one I love has an equally hideous character quirk.  I should be relieved.  We make a normal couple.  If the romantic potion is strong enough we come to love each other’s warts.  It can make journeys in bed all the more fascinating.

Love,

          Dad